I’ve finally found my happy place I can visit to escape the day to day stresses of modern life and it’s amazing!
So, after approximately 4 years of doing guided meditations and recently dipping in and doing my own without being guided, I’ve at last had my first amazing experience while meditating and I have to record it here.
This is primarily thanks to Amy Lawrence of Silver Daisies Holistic Healing who has trained me in life coaching and more recently, teacher meditation. Yesterday on the final day of her course that teaches you to become a teacher of meditation, she told us to try meditating on visualising our happy place and the way she described hers was truly inspirational. I had to give it a go, and oh my, am I glad I did!
I recommend that you do the same and soon I will offer it as a healing service, but first I need to do some more.
So, here is my account of my happy place that I reached during meditation, and what I learned, which is emotional and I know that I’m still holding back the tears, but I’m taking small manageable steps and I will be fine.
Amanda’s happy place reached during meditation
I had no time restraints set for this as I was in no rush. Sometimes we all need a self-care day doing the things that we fully enjoy and taking the time to chill.
There is one place that I’ve always gone back to in my mind and in person to try and capture the way I felt as a child. Over time, I’ve come to realise that it’s not so much the place that is special, but the realisation of what it’s like to be free of the ego, no fear or hesitation and to be just one with nature. This place for me is St Peter’s Churchyard in Heysham where I remember being free and loving the feeling of wonderment as I explored the tales of those who had come to find themselves at rest in this peaceful place. I have ancestors buried here and it’s such a beautiful place where the graves overlook Morecambe Bay with the mountains of the Lake District set in the distance.
It’s not hard for me to picture myself here, so it’s the perfect place to visualise myself walking down the small path making my way to my great grandad’s grave, John Blacow and paying my respects. I do remember him from my childhood, but I remember the framed photograph of him more with his sea captain hat and uniform on.
I’m then drawn to a Celtic cross headstone that sits almost on its own and I have a photograph of this grave as I’ve been researching my ancestors, which I’m not very good at. The name is Miles D Blacow and he died in 1914. I don’t know if we’re related, but for some reason I’m now drawn to sit beside his monument in meditation pose. I trust my instinct as a thought crosses my mind that he could be one of my spirit guides and although I don’t get any words of wisdom from him, I know that I will when the time is right.
The sun was setting and it was casting a lovely reddish orange hue upon the headstones that mingled with the growing shadows. The birds were happily singing and I could taste the salt in the gentle breeze that lifted my fringe to dance upon it. I could feel the warmth of the suns glow upon my face and I smiled as I enjoyed my new found peace. The headstone of Miles was offering me support along with the grass upon which I sat.
A seagull squawked above me and I imagined myself floating on the breeze, looking down upon me as I sat there, meditating.
I reflected back upon my memories of being a young girl and how I would come here to enjoy my time alone. I must have been about 7 or 8 years old and it wasn’t strange for us children to be out alone back then.
Suddenly Digby came bounding up to me in his clumsy way, jumping all over me and licking my face as we re-unite. His black curls bounced around his eyes and once we had finished rolling around, we both sat side by side and experienced the gentle breeze of the setting sun. I was that little girl again with my soulmate.
I realise during my meditation that I can physically feel a tear roll down my cheek. This is really happening as emotion fills me that I’ve found Digby. The pain of searching for him that day I got home from school is still with me and even now as I write this up, my eyes are filling up again. I knocked on every single door of three streets surrounding my house asking people if they had seen him, to no avail. This memory of him vanishing and never knowing what happened to him is surfacing and as much as I want to push it back, deep down inside, I realise that now is the time to face it.
For 40 years I’ve not returned to this memory that hurt me so much, but after all of the training I’ve done recently and self-therapy work, I know that this is something I have to face as it will free my heart so that I can give and receive love, unconditionally.
I draw my support from the grave of Miles and ask the following questions: –
- Where did you go Digby?
- What does my mum know about you disappearing?
- Did ‘HE’ kill you?
- What happened to you?
There’s so much pain here and the actual truth is terrifying that it scares me to question what happened. I don’t like saying this, but the things that I was subjected to at such a young age, haunt me and I fear Digby was a victim like the others. I now realise or have accepted that I will never know the truth and if I was told the truth, would I believe it?
Digby licked my face and I settled for not knowing, because now we are re-united in my happy place and we can enjoy our time here.
With this new found knowledge, up I got with a spring in my step and off we went for our fantastic walk, just like we used to, up onto the Barrows, the rocky headland that overlooks Half Moon Bay. We make our way to the ruins of St Patrick’s Chapel for the last of the suns rays before it disappears beyond the horizon.
We then continue our walk, down onto the beach and enjoy the stillness in the air that you find occurs just after sunset. We then venture up onto the old harbour wall and walk down to what I call the pepper pot and sit together looking out to a magnificent full moon with a galaxy of stars filling our vision as far as our eyes could see.
I had to paint this to try and describe to you what it was like and I also know that from now on, I’m going to write about my happy place after each visit as there will be learning lessons on each occasion
My inner child re-surfaced today, the happy child that was free before the onset of horror. There is a lot of buried emotional pain in my past and it’s funny because when I’ve tried inner child work before, something stops me from going into it fully. It’s like, I want to go there, in fact I know that I need to go there, but I haven’t found the right tools to do it, until now. The best thing is though, I can do this safely with Digby by my side and my meditation can end with the beautiful soft energy of the moon shining down on us.
Seriously, why have I not realised that I can have a happy place like this sooner?
I’m so happy and thank you Amy x